Tommy's Attitude Adjustment Chapter 50
by Chadlad

copyright 2007 by Chadlad, all rights reserved
chadlad3@yahoo.com

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This story is intended for ADULTS ONLY It contains explicit depictions of sexual activity involving minors. If you are not of a legal age in your locality to view such material or if such material does not appeal to you, do not read further, and do not save this story.
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Chapter 50: Jesse's Revenge

Tommy was lying face up on his bed with his legs draw up and separated, staring at the ceiling. The position allowed his butt crack to be fully separated as well, so that his irritated buttocks didn't rub together and his abused anus was exposed to the air. The latter part of his anatomy throbbed and burned from the plaster casting of the 8-year-old boy's dick being rammed up it and then just as roughly yanked out. His butt still ached from all the spanking and paddling he'd endured over the last two days. But at least he was alone for awhile. Beth and Dakota had gone after confining him to his room and threatening to "paddle his balls black and blue" if he left the room before Chad and Gabriel got home and took charge of him, or if he ever so much as touched his own penis or anus. Although he couldn't see how Beth or anyone else would know if he did any of those things, he'd stayed in his room, mainly because he didn't feel like doing anything else. He was trying to think, but his thoughts just spun in circles. He'd done crazy things with that Elvin kid – done them in a fever pitch of excitement and then felt guilty about them immediately afterward. Oh, he'd done lots of embarrassing things with the three girls, too, but the stuff with Elvin was what bothered him. He kept seeing short little scenes and pictures in his head – his first sight of Elvin when his mask was removed, for example. When he'd realized by the sight of Elvin's penis between his legs that Elvin was a boy, not a girl, a boy he'd done sex with in his butt rather than in a girl's vagina as he'd thought he'd been doing. A boy he'd butt-fucked, Tommy corrected himself. Butt-fucked. The words sounded bigger than Tommy, slimy and powerful and guilt-inducing. They were the words for what he did to Elvin, and what he'd done to Gabriel, too. The words boys called other boys in school, when the teachers weren't listening. Words that now clearly applied to him. He was a butt fucker. "Butt fucker," he said aloud to the empty room. "Butt fucker," he said more loudly. "I'm a butt fucker. Hey, Mom! Guess what I did while you were gone? I fucked some boys in their butts. Now I'm a full-fledged butt-fucker!"

His thoughts turned to Elvin's penis, hard and throbbing and curved tight against his stomach, his only slightly bigger than little-boy balls tight against his groin. Elvin smiling as he took Tommy's penis in his mouth. Elvin getting paddled with Tommy's penis in his mouth as a gag, the fear Elvin would bit him any moment. Elvin spanking him, the sight bed spread under his face as he lay head down on Elvin's lap and let Elvin spank his sore butt thoroughly and then squeeze his balls. The way that small hand had felt, grinding his balls together. Elvin throwing up when his own balls were mashed by his vicious older sister. Him sucking Elvin's penis and liking it. And then Elvin's face turned to Jesse's, and Elvin's curved penis became Jesse's bigger but straighter one, and Elvin's small balls became Jesse's more substantial package, and Elvin's butt became Jesse's, too, and Tommy found himself getting hard again, his errant penis standing up between his spread legs, begging him to touch it, to stroke it while thinking about fucking Jesse in the butt like he had Elvin, like he had his cousin Gabriel, which brought him back to remembering being paddled bare naked in the back yard, with Chad and the neighbors and the girl scouts all looking on and applauding his pain, and the whole sequence started again in his head. He found himself reaching for his penis – Beth had forbid it, but Beth couldn't know if he touched himself – she wasn't God. He squeezed the head of his erect member hard, defiantly. He'd damn well touch his own cock if he wanted, he vowed. To hell with Beth and her threats. Besides, he might as well admit that he was a major jack-off artist along with all the other stuff – a jack-off artist, a butt-fucker, a dick-sucker, the kind of boy other boys made fun of, and treated with contempt.

A slamming door downstairs made him start guiltily and drop his penis like a little boy caught by his mother. He heard voices, indistinct, talking downstairs. Chad and Gabriel were home, probably would give him one of those humiliating baths again where they handled his genitals and shoved their fingers up his butt and made him jerk off. And they'd eat, but Beth had already warned that he was getting punishment food all week, so he knew she had something vile prepared. And he supposed his brother and cousin would have to spank him – Beth had said he'd get morning and night spankings just like Chad had when he'd messed up. He hoped they'd stay downstairs a long time and leave him alone. Alone with his thoughts. His confused thoughts. Thoughts of boys, and boys' genitals, and sucking and butt fucking and all that other gay stuff. Was he gay? Or was he attracted to girls, too? He tried to picture Serena Cay's body, but all he could see was her disappointed face when he'd last seen her, when she'd been looking at his ice-shrunken genitals. He couldn't picture her body at all. Instead, Jesse's body was back in his mind. He wondered how Jesse's naked body would feel under him in bed if he did to Jesse what he'd done to Gabriel. Would it be different, because it was Jesse?

He suddenly heard footsteps in the hall, loud footsteps approaching rapidly. He was expecting a know or some sort of announcement, but the door swung open without warning and a small figure entered, shut the door, and leaned against it.

Tommy's jaw dropped. He'd been expecting Chad, or Gabriel, not the smallish, mop-haired, early pubertal form of his former best friend Jesse. He felt a flash of shame and panic for a moment as he realized he was lying on the bed with his legs wide open and his genitals and probably his butt hole and most of his butt on display. But the panic diminished immediately, while the shame grew. It was only Jesse, after all. He'd been naked around Jesse a lot, even before the troubles. They'd bathed together as little boys when Jesse came over, they'd peed side-by-side, sharing a toilet for years, they'd even compared hard-ons when they were smaller.

But that didn't help the shame – if anything, it increased it. He also had a lot of reason to feel shame around Jesse, and somehow his nudity when Jesse was fully dressed increased that shame. He leaped to his feet and backed up by the side of his bed, wishing there was a dresser to lean against, to hide behind or something. Beth had taken his sheet, claiming he had no right to cover up. His first impulse was to yell at Jesse to get out. But then he saw something in Jesse's eyes. Jesse looking determined, Jesse obviously here to take charge. He suddenly knew that this was a new Jesse. A Jesse who wouldn't go even if he ordered him out,who wouldn't go even if he threatened to hurt Jesse, a Jesse who'd take him on, physically, if he had to. Jesse stared him in the eyes, his look searching. Tommy found himself unable to meet Jesse's glare. There was silence between the two boys for a time – the kind of silence you saw in old movies as two gunfighters sized each other up from either end of main street before the gunplay. Tommy felt more naked here under Jesse's gaze than he'd felt in the yard surrounded by girl scouts. Unconsciously, he moved his right hand to his crotch, letting it hover over his genitals in a protective gesture.

The silence between them stretched out for 15 seconds, then 30, then a full minute. Jesse was looking him full in the face, ignoring his nakedness. Tommy swallowed repeatedly, his mouth dry and his breathing fast. Jesse took two steps toward him, stopped at the end of the bed.

"We have to settle this," Jesse suddenly said, speaking too loudly. "Just you and me, right here, right now." Tommy almost laughed – it did sound like the dialogue of a bad western. But the look on Jesse's face made the laughter die in his throat. He swallowed dryly again.

"Look, I'm sorry," Tommy finally said, looking at the floor, his voice breaking. It was hard to apologize – harder than he'd thought. Even harder because he was naked and Jesse was fully clothed – there was something about clothing that made you more confident, stronger and more self-assured. No wonder those idiots in Baghdad had made their prisoners of war strip before torturing them. "I'm sorry for – I'm sorry for all of it. What I wanted to do to y—for all of it. I just want us to be okay again. Just tell me what to do to make it okay, and I'll do it. Anything. Just so we're okay again. Like we were before." He looked at Jesse pleadingly.

Jesse frowned, shook his head. His face was stony This was not the usual soft, round, laughing, carefree Jesse Tommy thought he knew. "Not going to happen," Jesse said. "We can never be like we were before, not now. Not ever. You crossed a line, and we can't go back. We can move to something different, or we can go our separate ways, but we'll never be like we were before. That's why I have to have this out with you."

"So you want things just the way they used to be between us, when we were little play friends? Just forget what you felt and what I feel? Is that it?" Jesse looked petulant. Tommy nodded eagerly, hopefully. "You want me to pretend nothing else ever happened?" Tommy nodded more eagerly. Jesse looked back at Tommy despairingly. "Well, we can't," he said when Tommy didn't say anything else. "We can't go back to what we were when we were little kids. I can't change how I feel about – how I feel about you. I can't just turn those feelings off. I've tried to pretend I didn't feel the way I do, and then I tried to force myself to act like you were just my best friend. But I failed. And Friday, when I got those feelings again, I did what I felt like doing, like Chad suggested I should do. And you blew up, and I ran away, because I knew if I stayed I'd still want to do that stuff. And if you didn't, what would I do then?"

"So if we tried to be best friends again, I know it wouldn't work. Because sooner or later the way I feel about you is going to make me want to do stuff again, and that's not going to work if you really don't want it, if you really, truly don't have the same feelings for me. So what I gotta know is whether you have those feelings for me, like the ones I have for you. 'Cause if you don't, I might as well leave here right now, 'cause this never is going to work. I can't keep seeing you feeling like I feel and not do something about it."

"What do you mean by feelings?" Tommy asked, his voice cracking. "What kind of feelings."

"I think you know," Jesse said. "I think you have them, too. When it all started – when I started rubbing your back, and moved down…and moved down where I did. You wanted it. You liked it. You felt just like I did. And then got all high and mighty and acted like an asshole and ruined it."

"Don't call me an asshole," Tommy snapped.

"Can't help it," Jesse snapped back. The vehemence of his tone surprised Tommy, who was used to the compliant Jesse, the one who backed down when Tommy snapped at him. "That's what you were Friday, an asshole. You were an asshole to me, and you were an asshole to that little cousin of yours. And then you kept being an asshole to me after that, on Saturday." His eyes began to glisten and his face softened. "I could tell you wanted it," he said, more softly. "It was just like I'd imagined it would be – I'd show you how I felt, and you'd show me you felt that way, too, and we'd be even closer than we'd been. That doesn't mean I thought that's all we'd do from then on, only that we'd add that to our other friend stuff. Then all the sudden you changed, and ruined it." A tear slipped down out of Jesse's right eye and he swiped it away impatiently, ducking his head. His gaze snapped back up to the naked, defensive Tommy, still standing by the head of his bed with his hand protectively over his crotch, like Jesse was going to hit him in the balls or something.

"So I thought, 'screw him,' Jesse went on. "He blinked rapidly, fighting the moisture in his eyes. "But I couldn't. I still feel the way I do. About you. Even after what you said. I decided to give it one more chance," he said. "One chance to salvage this, or I'm walking out and that's going to be it for us."

"But,…but Jesse," Tommy stammered. "You're my best friend. You're about my only friend. We go back…well, as long as I remember. What I said—what I said yesterday, I didn't mean that. I still want you to be my friend. I want us always to be friends." Tommy looked down at the shorter Jesse pleadingly. Jesse noted, to his surprise, that Tommy's eyes were glistening, the corners filled with tears threatening to spill over. Jesse opened his mouth to speak, but Tommy spoke first. "I know how you feel. I think I even understand, now, how you feel." A tear slipped out of his right eye and coursed down his cheek. Tommy brushed it away impatiently. Jesse inhaled to say something, but Tommy stopped him.

"No, don't say anything yet. I've got to say this, then you can say and do anything you want, but let me say it." He took a deep breath, brushing clumsily at his eyes as more tears slipped free. He took a shaky breath. "I wanted to hurt you, Friday. I've never wanted to hurt you like that before, but I wanted to hurt you bad. I was so mad I couldn't even see straight. I wanted to hurt you as bad as I could because, because – well, because you touched me where you touched me. It made me want to kill you." Jesse frowned, his face coloring. He tried to interrupt again.

"Wait, just wait," Tommy said. "Let me finish." His voice broke and he had to swallow several times before going on. Jesse's face reflected an odd combination of sadness and anger now. Tommy gulped and forced himself to continue. "I wanted to kill you," he said. "Well, not kill you, but hurt you, wipe that happy grin off your face that you always have. You know what I wanted to do to you. But you left, and I did it to Gabriel instead, and, well, you know what happened then. You were here when they did some of it. You even helped. I felt bad that you helped." He sniffed, wiping his nose on the back of his hand, then stepping across the room to get a tissue to clean his hand up, his penis bouncing jauntily, incongruously, as he walked. He blew his nose noisily, then swiped at his eyes with the tissue.

Tommy wondered briefly what Jesse meant by that last remark, but he had other concerns – he had to finish what he had to say to Jesse. "It hurt when you spanked me," he said. "I don't mean it hurt my butt, although it did. It hurt inside. It hurt that you wanted to hurt me. I'm glad you did, though," he said. "I deserved it." Jesse looked dubious. "I did," Tommy insisted, swiping at his eyes again. "And you being so mad made me think. All of the stuff they did made me think." He gulped again, trying to get control over his wavering voice.

"I said bad stuff," he finally said. "I said I didn't want you to be my friend any more. I wanted to hurt you by saying it. But it hurt me instead. I think it hurt me more than it hurt you. Because it wasn't true." The last remark was broken as Tommy couldn't control a sudden sob. He ran for more tissues and held them to his face for a minute, turning his back to Jesse to hide his shame at losing his composure, fighting the urge to dissolve into incoherent tears. Jesse watched him but made no movement toward him, just stared at Tommy's reddened and bruised buttocks tightening and relaxing repeatedly as Tommy shook and fought his feelings. Swallowing repeatedly, Tommy finally managed to force the lump down in his throat. He steadied himself, and turned around again, now standing only 2 feet from Jesse. He looked earnestly into Jesse's eyes, with a vulnerability Jesse had never seen before.

"None of it was true," he said. "None of it. Not just that I didn't want to be your friend. How – how I felt. That wasn't true either. When I said I wanted to hurt you because you wanted to do stuff and I didn't want to. That wasn't why I was mad. I was mad because I did want to." Tears started out of the corners of Tommy's eyes again. This time he let them fall, continuing to look through blurry vision at Jesse's face. "I did want to," he said. "I wanted to so bad! And I knew it. And I hated myself. So I tried to hurt you instead. And I did, and I'm sorry."

Jesse looked at him with a combination of confusion and disturbance. "You wanted to?" he finally said. His face colored and his emotions shifted toward anger. "You wanted to, and still you said the stuff you said?" He looked away, then his head snapped back and he glared at Tommy. "Do you know how bad I've felt? Do you know how many times I've hated myself for going ahead and touching you Friday? I couldn't sleep Friday, I couldn't sleep last night! I went to Alan's house to try to have fun, to forget about this, but I couldn't. He wanted to do stuff, and I'll admit I did some of it, but all I could think about was how I screwed up with you. And when he wanted to do stuff to me I got soft and couldn't do anything, and I started crying like a little kid, and he probably thinks I'm an asshole now! And you wanted to all along!" He looked away again. "I gotta leave," he said, turning around. "I gotta get out of here." He started for the door.

"Wait!" Tommy croaked, grabbing Jesse's arm tightly and yanking him to a stop.

"Leggo! What are you going to do, hurt me more?" Jesse said hotly.

Tommy dropped Jesse's arm, stung by the remark. He was encouraged, but only a little, to see that Jesse did stop, at least. "I don't want to hurt you," he croaked. "Never again. You're my best friend – the only – the only one who matters. Can't I make it up to you some way? Can't things be the way they were before?"

Jesse looked at his feet. "No," he said. Tommy's face fell, and his tears increased, making tracks down his face. "No," Jesse said again. "They can never be the way they were before. Jesus. You liked it, and you acted the way you did?" He shook his head sadly and turned away again.

Tommy interrupted him, his speech almost a moan. "Don't go!" He gulped air several times, holding Jesse by one wrist. "Don't go," he almost whispered again, his eyes pleading." He sniffled, gulped deeply several times. "Don't go, Jesse," he said in a whisper. "I'll do anything, really! I – I don't want you to go," he finished lamely.

"You know what kind of friend I want you to be," Jesse said, his voice steady and level. He looked up at Tommy, studying him for clues as to his sincerity. "Can you honestly say you're okay with that?"

Tommy blinked away tears, swiped awkwardly at his face. He wished he was wearing a shirt to wipe his face on. Jesse, picking up on his vibe, reached over and snatched a handful of tissues from the open box, handing them to Tommy. Tommy took a few moments to wipe his face, blow his nose, and compose his thoughts. Finally he wadded the tissues up and threw them toward the trash can, looking down at Jesse with puffy eyes.

"You want us to be gay together," Tommy said, his voice a croak. "You want us to be boyfriends, not just friends."

"Yeah," Jesse said, looking at the ground and kicking the carpet. "I guess I do." He kicked the carpet several more times, looking at Tommy's feet. "Boyfriends. That sounds funny, dirty somehow. But I think that's what I wanted us to be. I talked to my mom," he said in a low voice. "It was hard, but I had to talk to someone, and there was no one. I mean, I've always talked to you. I thought about talking to Chad, you know. I mean, he's real nice. I didn't realize how nice he was before, but…. Well, that doesn't matter now. I told her everything that happened – everything. It just all came out. I mean, I blabbed everything like a little baby. But she wasn't mad. I thought she'd be mad, but she wasn't. She said that kids our age have a lot of confused feelings. She said that we're feeling our goats, and that hormones make us horny, and that lots of boys get feelings for their closest friends then."

"Are you sure it wasn't 'feeling our oats?'" Tommy asked. "I don't think 'goats' is right."

"It has to be goats," Jesse reasoned. "Oats don't have horns. Anyway, she said it was really too early to say if we were gay or straight or bi – that means you're attracted to both boys and girls. She said that most people aren't strictly gay or straight – that most people are attracted to both sexes, but just more strongly to one than the other. And she said that at our ages and as close as we've been together, it wouldn't be surprising if we got attracted to each other that way even if we were more attracted to girls, because neither of us is really close to any girls right now. So we might not be gay at all. Or we might. Or something."

Jesse paused, sniffed, went on. "She asked if I ever thought about girls, you know, tits and girl parts and stuff, and if I looked at dirty pictures and got excited, and I said I did sometimes. And she said that meant that it was really too early to tell whether I was mostly gay or straight, and too early for you to tell, too. And that maybe we just needed a sexual outlet – that's what she called it, a sexual outlet, like an electrical outlet. Something to do to keep the horniness down until we met the right girl."

He looked up at Tommy earnestly. "She's been taking these psychology classes online," he said by way of explanation for his long-winded speech. He took a deep breath. "Look, I'm not saying we should go around announcing we're a couple or something. But I can't go on pretending we're just friends when we're alone. I wanna do stuff—I wanna do it so bad I can't stand it. It makes me horny and hard all the time, and all I can think of is doing stuff with you. And if you think that's something you can't live with, then there's nothing else to say." He almost glared at Tommy in his intensity.

Tommy considered everything Jesse had said. Was it possible he wasn't gay? Or at least not completely gay? Was it horniness that was making him think about Jesse, that and the lack of a willing girl? He shook his head. No way he was going to figure that out right now. But Jesse was growing impatient. He wanted an answer, and he wanted it now.

What did Tommy want? He pictured the scenarios. Him rejecting Jesse's argument. Jesse leaving, maybe never coming over again. Him telling Jesse that he had feelings for Jesse too, sexual feelings. Did he? He remembered his encounters with Elvin, how excited Elvin had made him, yet how ashamed afterward. Would he feel that way with Jesse, eager and excited beforehand, but ashamed after he came? What if Chad found out, or worse yet, his mother? Emotions swirled around in Tommy – his body ached for Jesse, wanted to do all sorts of dirty, even unspeakable things to him. Things he'd done with Elvin, things he'd just thought about later, lying in his bed staring at the ceiling. His mind didn't know – it was a big jump, this agreement. If he said he wanted what Jesse wanted, there'd be no going back – he'd always be the boy who said yes.

"NO!" Tommy blurted. Jesse stopped and turned around, looking at him hard. "No," Tommy said more softly. "Don't go." He walked closer to Jesse, so he was only inches from his friend's face. "Don't go." He swallowed. "I…I'm okay with it," he said, his voice still quavering. "You know, with us. With it. With how we feel. Just say you'll be my friend again, and I'll try anything – anything you want." He bit his lip, wondering if he'd scare Jesse away with this promise.

Jesse looked up at Tommy doubtfully. "You're just saying that," he said.

"Uh-uh," Tommy said forcefully, realizing it was the truest thing he'd said all day. He took a deep breath, knowing he had to say this now or lose his nerve. "I want it too. I wanted it Friday night, but it scared me – I got so hard – I was afraid of getting that hard. And then I kind of freaked out. But I want to as bad as you, maybe worse. And if that makes us gay, then I want to be gay."

Jesse looked even more doubtful for a moment. Suddenly his doubtful look shifted to a determined one, as if he'd made a decision. He became a flurry of motion, toeing off shoes, using his heels to stop on the toes of socks and yank them off, pulling his shirt over his head in one motion, and then, looking Tommy straight in the eyes, reaching deliberately for his sweatpants. Never taking his eyes off Tommy, he shucked them and his underpants off in one motion. Tommy couldn't help but glance downward at Jesse's crotch. His friend's little penis swayed between his legs, soft and unaroused. He found himself somewhat surprised at that, because his own 3 inch penis had been hardening this whole time and now was standing up like a ramrod, a powerful contrast to Jesse's smaller tool. He raised his eyes again to find Jesse still staring at his face. "You sure?" Jesse repeated. "You sure that's how you feel?"

Tommy stood with his mouth open. "What if someone comes in?" he asked.

"They won't," Jesse said confidently. "Chad and Gabriel are the only ones here, and they promised they'd stay downstairs until I came down." He grinned. "They probably think I'm beating you up or something." He looked back in Tommy's eyes, the smile leaving his face. "Last chance to back out," he said.

Tommy impulsively grabbed Jesse's hand, held it to his chest. "Feel my heart," he said. "Does it feel like I want to back out?" Tommy's heart was pounding, making his chest jump as it did. Jesse let his hand rest on Tommy's chest for a moment, then pulled Tommy's hand to his own thumping chest, let Tommy feel the trapped beast thrashing there. They stood there, frozen, two naked boys standing face to face, crotch to crotc h, one soft and dangling, one hard and bobbing with his racing heart..

"So now what?" Tommy said after a moment.

"So now we do something special," Jesse said. "That's what all they guys online say. You have to make your first time special."

Tommy stood up again. "Oh," he said. He paused for a second, considering. His butt hole still burned – it wouldn't be fun. But that that was what gay guys did with each other, wasn't it? He was committed now – might as well go all the way. And that fever of arousal that had hit him when performing with Elvin was back, only stronger with Jesse. "Okay," Tommy said. "Just let me get into position, and be careful. I'm kind of sore back there, because I had to let Gabriel do it to me to get even for doing it to him, and then Naomi – then other stuff happened. But if you go slow…" He'd started to turn to climb onto the bed when Jesse stopped him again.

"You really don't know me, do you?" Jesse said. "If we're going to move on to this new way of being friends, you're going to have to pay more attention to me, understand me better."

Tommy felt exasperation and confusion building up in him. What was Jesse talking about? He wanted to do boy stuff, didn't he? What was more boy, sexually, than getting a guy to suck you, or take you up your butt? What could be a stronger statement of your submission to him, of his dominance and claim on you than submitting to what most males considered a demeaning act? He was offering to submit to Jesse – what could be a bigger commitment than that? He looked down at his diminutive friend with the slight padding of body fat, his small penis swaying as he stood there looking up at Tommy in challenge. Jesse had said Tommy didn't really know him. What didn't he know? What was it about Jesse that he wasn't getting at this critical moment? He looked at Jesse, gazing defiantly up at him. Defiantly. He wasn't used to Jesse being defiant. He wasn't even used to Jesse being determined. He was used to compliant Jesse, Jesse who went along with what he did, laughing Jesse, submissive Jesse.

Submissive Jesse. Was that it? Jesse had always taken the back seat, liked Tommy to lead, to take command. Tommy was always the commander when they played, Jesse the brave soldier. Tommy was the gangster leader, Jesse his minion. Tommy was Batman, Jesse was Robin. Did Jesse want Tommy to be dominant now? He could only trust his instincts. He put both hands on Jesse's shoulders.

"You want to do stuff with me?" he said roughly. "You want us to be more than just friends?" He pushed on Jesse's shoulders, forcing him down. "Then get on your knees and suck me," he said. "I want you to suck my cock. So if you want my cock, show me you want it."

Jesse dropped to his knees in front of Tommy, head down. For a moment Tommy thought he was going to get up and storm out of the room. Instead, he looked up at Tommy and grinned. "Yes, sir," he said, immediately grasping Tommy's penis by the base in his right hand, reaching around to caress Tommy's buttocks with the other. "You only had to say so." He grazed his lips across the head of Tommy's dick, sending shivers down Tommy's spine. Without saying anything else, he parted his lips and took Tommy's dick in, enclosing it in warm wetness without the slightest hint of teeth. His tongue began a slow sucking motion. Tommy moaned softly, drinking in the sensations. Jesse was sucking him – little, sweet, loyal Jesse was sucking him, his mop haircut all Tommy could see when he looked down, that and his small sturdy body with its gently protruding buttocks. His Jesse. Jesse continued his oral ministrations for a few more seconds, then slid his mouth off Tommy, continuing to stimulate him with his right hand, stroking him like Tommy would have stroked himself, his hand sliding easily on the saliva. He looked up a Tommy with a serious expression, hand still stroking. "I want to get you going this way," he said. "And when you're close, I'll get on the bed and I want you to go in me from … you know, from behind." He lowered his head and began licking Tommy's dick with his tongue, like he was licking an ice-cream cone to catch all the drips. He slipped his mouth off again, swallowed, kept pumping his hand on Tommy's slick erection. "But make me do it, okay? Like you just did." His mouth plunged back on Tommy's penis. Tommy's penis practically sang its pleasure at this, and Tommy gave a pair of involuntary hip thrusts that Jesse easily moved with. Chad had never sucked him like this – Jesse appeared to actually care about Tommy's pleasure. And, somehow, the fact he was in charge, but that Jesse was a willing submissive, that made it better too.

Tommy forced himself to speak, troubled by one aspect of Jesse's request. He remembered all too vividly the bright red blood flowing sluggishly from Gabriel's torn anus. "Are you sure that's what you want, Jesse?" he asked. His own anus throbbed, accentuating his worry. "I'm kind of big, you know. I might seriously hurt you there."

Jesse looked up at Tommy again, his hand seamlessly taking over for his tongue. "I know," he said. "But you won't." He examined Tommy's penis from close range, then began sucking again, this time just moving his mouth back and forth over the ridge of the tip.

Jesse stopped sucking and looked up at Tommy again wryly, smiling despite his obvious nervousness. "Let's not get too carried away," he said, continuing to milk Tommy with his hand. "You're just a half-grown boy. And I'm the original dinky-dick, like Chad. I'm not totally blind – I've seen the big boys changing at the pool. I've seen porn films, too. A lot of the guys in them are huge, and I wouldn't want any of them anywhere near my butt". He shuddered.

"Don't get so full of yourself just 'cause your dick is bigger than mine, or your brother's, or those of a zillion little boys. We're barely bigger than little boys ourselves– I don't even have any hair yet, and you don't have much." He glanced at the genital region in front of his face. "Actually, you don't have any at all now – I assume that was Beth's idea." Tommy nodded. Jesse nodded back. "Thought so. Anyway, you don't have to keep pointing out your dick is bigger than all of ours – I know it is – I'm not blind. And yeah, it probably will hurt when you do it. But I've had poops bigger than it, so it'll fit. And it's what I want you to do. I want you to be the first one to do it. If you're who I think you are, who I hope you are, you'll do what I want." He lowered his head and began flicking his tongue at the underside of Tommy's tool while still milking it with his hand.

Tommy considered Jesse's pronouncement. It was hard to think clearly with the little varmint working on him like that! "Don't you want me to suck you instead?" he asked.

Jesse stopped cold this time – stopped sucking and stopped moving his hand. In fact, he dropped his hands from Tommy entirely and sat back on his heels. "You said you were ready to try the relationship I want," he said. "So are your ready or aren't you?"

"I'm ready," Tommy said. "But…"

"No buts," Jesse said. "Not any more. It's test time. If you're ready, you'll be able to get it up and keep it up while you do it in my butt. I want you to be my first. I've wanted it for a long time. The guys online say your first is always special, even if it hurts. And if you can do it, you really do feel about it the way I do, and that'll settle it. If you can't, we'll know it isn't what you want at all."

Tommy felt pressured. "But what if I can't do it?" he asked. "I mean, I'll try, but what if I can't?"

"Then we'll know, won't we," Jesse said stubbornly.

"But I'll hurt you, I know I will," Tommy said. "'Cause it hurt me when my cousin did it, and his dick is smaller than yours."

"I know it'll hurt," Jesse said matter-of-factly. "I read all about it on the Internet all afternoon. Lots of guys have done it, and they write what it was like the first time. They say it always hurts the first time. But it doesn't hurt so bad after awhile, and later it gets really good. I'm ready for it to hurt, I'm willing to go through it for you." He looked reflective. "I know you'll think I'm weird, but the fact that it's going to hurt makes it more exciting, somehow. Like I have to do it for you. Like I want to do it for you. I think that means I care about you. Do you care about me enough to let me do this?"

"But…" Tommy said again.

"No more buts," Jesse said. "I'm ready now. You either go through with it, or we're done, and I'll find someone else who really wants to be my first. But I'd rather it was you." He turned around, reaching back to spread his butt cheeks and half bend over. "Look," he said. "I'm all clean. I soaked in the bathtub half the morning just to be sure." His butt hole peeped back at Tommy, looking totally innocent of any elimination activities. Jesse let go of his butt again and straightened up. "Come on," he said. "I'm ready. I'm sick of hearing your mouth tell me things, Tommy Henson. Either step up to the plate with your bat, or I'm taking my balls and going home." He giggled mirthlessly. "I didn't make that up," he said. "I read it on a porn site."

"Okay," Tommy said. "Get on the bed with your butt in the air. I'm gonna fuck you." He let the unfamiliar, forbidden words roll around in his head. I'm gonna fuck you. I'm gonna butt-fuck you." He smiled. He liked the sound of the phrase, now. It sounded forbidden, exciting.

Jesse turned and leaped onto Tommy's bed, clambering up and getting on all fours in the middle, spreading his legs and lowering his face to Tommy's pillow, drawing his knees up so that his butt opened widely and his butt hole stared out at Tommy, daring him, egging him on. In the bright light the smaller boy's anus looked as pink and clean and innocent as his nose, or his ear. Tommy's penis twitched and he felt a tremor run through him. Jesse spit on his hand and reached behind himself, coating his orifice with saliva.

Tommy felt weak in the knees, his legs suddenly soft under him. He took a step toward the bed, then another. His mind was reeling, but his body was like some distant mechanism with a mind of its own. He climbed over the foot of the bed, waddling on his knees toward Jesse's upturned little bottom. He suddenly wanted to be inside Jesse more than anything in the world. He leaned down, looked at Jesse's solemn face from between the inverted vee of his spread legs. Jesse's little plum of a scrotum bulged downward, his penis now hardening rapidly and snugging against his belly. "It won't hurt so bad, I don't think," Jesse said quietly to himself as much as to Tommy. "Some kids say it's kinda good right to start with."

"You're sure this is what you want?" Tommy said, hesitating.

"Get you dick good and slick, first," Jesse said from between his legs. "Work up a good spit and get it all over, especially on the head. You've got to have lubrication, that's what they guys online all say."

Tommy started to spit on his hand, then stopped. "Wait," he said. He leaped off the bed, yanked open his drawer. "I've got something better!" He held up his lotion bottle, his secret stash that he'd told his mom he needed for his hands but that he really used for masturbatory purposes. He squirted a large quantity on his hand and then gripped his penis, slathering it liberally all over. He then reached over, hesitant at first, and touched his fingertips to Jesse's butt hole, expecting Jesse to jump away or protest. Instead, his fingers made contact, the lotion feeling slick between his fingers and the firm skin and tight wrinkles of the other boy's orifice. Emboldened, he rubbed lotion all along Jesse's crack, coating his hole and even slipping the tip of his finger in just a bit to slip some lotion there. Jesse jerked a bit with Tommy's finger slipped into him, then steadied. "Hold still," Tommy commented. "This'll make it easier."

Tommy's penis was jumping-- it was certainly sure what it wanted, he realized. The realization was like a weight lifting off his shoulders. This was him – this was what he was. He wanted to take Jesse, to dominate him, to be Jesse's first. And if someone was going to have to hurt Jesse in the process, it would be him – it would have to be him – he felt a pang of jealousy thinking of anyone else hurting Jesse instead. He pushed more lotion into Jesse's anus, marveling at its tightness. He twisted the finger, spreading an even layer inside the boy's rectum, then withdrew his finger and wiped it on Jesse's upthrust butt and stood on his knees behind Jesse, hesitating.

Jesse looked back at him from between his widespread legs. "Do it," he said. "Do it before I lose my nerve."

"Okay," Tommy said, suddenly breathless. He leaned forward hesitantly, until the tip of his penis gently touched Jesse just above his lotion-coated orifice. Taking his hand, he forced his penis down until the tip was right in the center of the tight slit that Jesse's anal ring was making. Experimentally, he leaned in a little, feeling the soft give under the original resistance. He felt the muscle twitch under him. He pushed forward a bit harder. Jesse grunted. Tommy stopped.

"Wait," Jesse said. "Before you start – if I say stop, stop moving a minute, but then start again, don't stop entirely. And start slow, real slow. Don't just jam it into me, move a little bit at a time. Push in, pull out a little, push in more, like that."

"Okay," Tommy said, his heart thudding. He pressed forward again, suddenly wanting more than anything else to bury himself to the hilt in Jesse's soft warmth.

"Wait," Jesse said again. "Lean over me while you do it – I want to feel your body against me. And put your left hand up here by my face. I may need it to bite on, and if it gets too painful I'll bite harder. A bunch of the stuff I read say that helps. Don't worry, I won't draw blood – but you'll have to trust me like I'm trusting you."

"Why my left hand?" Tommy asked, pausing, the tip of his penis still begging to be slammed into Jesse full force. "Why not the right?"

"Because I want you to rub me with your right hand," Jesse said. "You know, my dick. Rub it like you would yourself. Rub it half a minute or so first, then go ahead and ease yourself in, and then keep rubbing me and don't stop unless I take my hand and stop you. Okay? Please? I think that helps, too – a lot of folks say they do it when they – when they do what we're doing."

Tommy extended his left hand, leaning over Jesse's short back, then reached underneath his friend with his right, probing for and finally locating the small boy's smooth, curved little cock tight against his belly. The position was awkward, but not impossible, mainly because Jesse was smaller than him. He circled Jesse's little rod with his fist, marveling at its hardness and the pulse he could feel in it, then began gently stroking it, letting the rubbery head slip between his still lotion-soaked fingers as he did. Jesse grunted. "Now," he said. "I'm ready." He bit firmly but not painfully on Tommy's hand, and at the same time, Tommy felt the anal sphincter under his penis head twitch and relax slightly as Jesse pushed out to try to help him enter. Slowly, gradually increasing his pressure, Tommy let his instincts take over, driving forward with greater and greater strength while Jesse held his breath and bit down progressively harder on Tommy's hand. Suddenly, without warning, the pressure resisting him disappeared, and Tommy's hips dropped forward, his dick suddenly enclosed in a warm, enveloping fist of its own. Jesse gasped, biting painfully on Tommy's hand, panted through his teeth for a few breaths, and then relaxed his jaw again.

"'S okay," he panted around the hand. "Just stop a minute, then move just a little bit at a time. And don't stop doing me with your hand!"

Guiltily, Tommy began masturbating Jesse again, having forgotten all about it when his dick had slipped into his friend so suddenly. Jesse's little dick, which had begun to soften, stiffened again, and he began to make little contractions, tightening his hole each time he did, to Tommy's distinct pleasure.

It took Tommy some experimentation to establish a rhythm that wasn't too fast and didn't involve moving too much for Jesse, yet satisfied his own dick's need for stimulation. As he continued, though, Jesse appeared to ease up a little, biting less strongly on his hand and gasping less. Despite the limitations, though, Tommy quickly built to orgasm, unable to control himself at the end and slamming all of his three inches deep into his friend's hole as his dick spasmed and he felt like he was shooting an entire quart into his friend. Jesse moaned loudly around Tommy's hand, biting it fiercely, but the bite appeared to increase Tommy's orgasm rather than detract from it. Jesse collapsed forward until he was flat on the bed, Tommy on top of him, feeling the boy's smooth skin and general aliveness as his penis continued spasming deep in Jesse's butt, and Jesse continued squirming underneath him.

After a moment, Jesse began to make frantic rocking motions. "Get off!" he said, muffled by the bedding. "Get off!"

Guiltily, Tommy rolled off Jesse, his penis slipping out with a soft "plop" noise as he did. Jesse gasped sharply from the too-quick withdrawal. "Oh, God, I hurt you at the end, didn't I?" Tommy said frantically. "See, I told you I'd hurt you! I'm such a klutz! You aren't bleeding, are you?"

Jesse rolled over on his back, frantically reaching for and finally seizing his little cocklet, which he began beating frantically. "Didn't hurt me, you idiot!" he moaned. "I'm just so horny I can't stand it!"

Tommy brushed Jesse's frantic hands aside, taking one in each of his. The lotion was completely gone from Jesse's throbbing penis now, having been rubbed in until all that was visible was clean skin. He realized, with surprise, that he didn't find Jesse's penis repulsive at all. "Let me handle that," he said, lowering his face to Jesse's crotch "This time it's what I want to do."