Creating Will

Creating Will 1

By Geaux

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This work is intended for ADULTS ONLY. It may contain depictions of sexual activity involving minors. If you are not of a legal age in your locality to view such material or if such material does not appeal to you, do not read further, and do not save this story.
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This as I relate It to you is a true story. The events of the day as well as many others over the course of my youth and adolescent days helped to shape my attitudes and feelings on the topics written about throughout this site.

I was very much raised a latchkey kid as this was not all that rare at the time. My time alone at home was augmented over the years by two babysitters. Dee from when I was 8-12 and Joann from 12-16. Although Joann would continue to play a role in my life for a number of years to come. Both of these women had unique ideas on discipline and punishment that have shaped my own.

This event would happen when I was almost 14. Joann would normally arrive at my house around 4:30 and stay until around 11 when my mother got home. I should state as well that Joann had full range to discipline as she saw fit. Both her and my mother shared the belief that modesty was a detriment to a boys personality and that one should never spare the rod. On this particular day Joann was not scheduled to come over and I would be alone all day and into the early morning once I got home from school. This was a huge stroke of luck for me as I had gotten into some trouble that day.

A bunch of guys were goofing around and being stupid as 13 year old are want to do, Our school had uniforms and the girls wore long ankle skirts with a short sleeve blouse. Very parochial as you can imagine. A girl Lilian, a year younger than me but in my grade was a few feet from me and facing opposite. Her skirt I noticed had come unlatched where it buttoned on the hip and I just stuck my hand and pulled on the belt and the button popped off. I quickly grabbed it and kept walking. She didn’t notice and since I wasn’t sure why I’d even done it I acted as if nothing had happened.

Then a moment later as Lilian was moving towards the building her skirt fell down. I didn’t see it or even know until the day was almost over. I found out when I learned that she was in the bathroom crying. Now my first thought was to play dumb of course but this still concerned me. If I played dumb and my mom or Joann fiound out I’d be in more trouble than if I fessed up. Problem was I didn’t know how much trouble fessing up would get me into. So, should I gamble or accept the lessor punishment? As the day was closing, I had not decided. This didn’t matter though as I foolishly outed myself. When I went to give our teacher my next weeks lunch money, I pulled out the envelope and from my pocket came the button. No mistaken what the silver and red item was. I turned beet red and tried to stammer it was an accident.

My teacher to her credit did not inform the class of my actions. She instead sent me to the dean’s office with a note. My day ended in her office being scolded. I was supposed to apologize to Lilian but she wouldn’t talk to me. We both went home with notes for our caregivers. Since I was going to be alone though I hoped to have some time to figure out how it could have been an “accident”

At around 6 however Lilians mother called hoping to speak to my mom or Joann. Upon explaining they were not home. Ms. Burston started scolding me. How Lilian was still in her room crying and that she was humiliated. I just listened as she wanted to know when an adult would be home. I still recall to this day the next few sentences clear ass a bell. “well, I don’t know what your mother will plan on doing but you nearly stripped my daughter in front of the whole school” I muttered a yes miss, and then she said it. “William, what do you suppose we should do” “I could come over and apologize” I said meekly. Ms. Burston tsk tsk’ed saying obviously I needed to do that. She told me to have my mother or Joann call her. I hung up the phone with hot lead in my gut. I did not want to hear that phone call.

As I sat trying not to panic my best friend called. He didn’t know I was responsible as he gleefully told me how when Lilian’s skirt fell that it went to her ankles. As she bent over to pull it up he claimed that he saw her vagina. Christ and now everyone will claim this too.

I jumped up and walked to the garage hoped onto my bike and began to ride to the Burston’s. I figured a show of remorse. Acting without being told and I could end this.

Now this is where the story gets muddled. As I said I was almost 14 and had recently discovered that along with the feelings of immense shame when I was punished I had an odd mix of arousal that I did not understand. I realized as I was almost to their home that I was beginning to have this same feeling. This dreaded anticipation. I almost turned around, but I think id decided at that point to tell Ms. Burston the truth the whole truth if she asked again.

She called Lilian down sat her on the couch and instructed me to apologize. Then to explain to Lilian what my punishment would probably be like. This got me amped up again and I started crying once more but I explained in detail, Explained how in the t-shirt I couldn’t cover myself and had to comport myself as if I wasn’t on display. Lilian was smiling at this last bit. That caused an uproar of emotions and for the first time I realized that my body had been imagining what would happen if all of that happened here. Or something I’d feel embarrassed of at least. My hands instinctively went to cover my crotch even though I was wearing jeans and wasn’t getting erect. I still knew the emotions that came before an erection. Lodi saw this and very smoothly just told me to move my hands back. I did as I was conditioned to do.

I was now no longer in control of myself. Lodi had with a few words put me into my place. I’d just recounted to a woman I didn’t really know and a classmate how I’d undress Infront of Joann. How I had to face her afterwards to go over my punishment. How I’d have to walk from her lap to the corner nude and remain there for however long. And now my brain is imagining myself doing just that, but it switches back and forth. First I’m in my house with Joann then in the next thought I’m here in this house undoing my pants. This is not intentional on my part. These thoughts are coming unbidden and yet they feel like the normal course of things. I’m definitely nervous and anxious. They way you feel before jumping off of a high dive. Like the high dive is intimidating so it is not terribly unnatural to feel that way.

At this point I had been at their house for an hour and a half and it was nearing 9. My mom would be calling around 11 to run through the checklist I did when Joann was gone. I hadn’t had supper or done either one of my chores. Still would need to bathe and I still didn’t know what I would say about Lilian when she called. Everything was starting to feel overwhelming and thoughts of obeying Lodi would not leave me. Not just obeying but I was picturing having to do chores here in only a t-shirt. Of Lodi spanking me but in this vision she was pulling me out of the bath tub and marching me into the room were in and she is smacking my bottom the whole way down the hall. Joann has never done that. She’s never spanked me as I stood upright in any way yet I am picturing Lodi spanking me while I stand before bending me over and spanking me to tears. All these thoughts occure in the space of a millisecond I mean I’m still crying. Lodi tries to shush me and ask me what is causing me to show so much emotion but I can’t tell her as I don’t understand it at this point in my upbringing. I have realized though that if anything even remotely close to whats happening in my head happens fofr real that I will feel a huge amount of relief mixed with shame and the idea of this truly does seem world shifting. Irealize ive been doing this to a smaller scale by telling them about my punishments. Do I want to feel shame? I realized I did want to experience that. I realized the way I feel now is how I pretend to feel when I masturbate. I couldn’t just say that though as true as it was I didn’t have the words. The room mood shifted then when Lillian spoke up ”mommy, why is Will so upset” and before Lodi got an opportunity to respond I said “because I was a bad boy” something I might have said to Joann. “I misbehaved Lill and embarrassed you. People saw your privates and now I’m jealous”

Lodi:what?

Lilian: what?

Lodi: You mean jealous of the kids who saw Lill’s privates?

Lilian: MOM stop it.

Lodi: Will why don’t you run to the bathroom and clean up a bit. Lil go to your room ok.

When I came back from the bathroom Lodi was sitting on the couch leaning forward on her knees and holding a folded sheet of paper in each hand. Telling me that one was an apt description of my behavior and my apology. That I had seemed genuine and earnest. The second sheet she told me was for me and not Joann or my mom. I don’t recall the exact words but it was similar to

“Will, from what you have told Lilian and I this evening it would seem that you have very complicated feelings about morality and what is proper and while difficult to admit is fair. Personally, I do feel what you have done here tonight makes up for what you did. I could understand if others do not and would whole heartedly approve if you were punished further. You are a growing boy and you will find that sometimes the correct response is not always the one you might choose for yourself but can you ignore your conscious Will? “It looks like you are struggling to admit to something honey” she said as I lowered the note.

She asked me then if I was ready to go or ready to admit that I just might have to make the choice a man would in order to be treated like a boy. She wasn’t telling me I had to be punished but rather that the mature choice would be to willingly accept a punishment. But I couldn’t say anything other than please, please, please I can’t say it. I was bad I know that, but I can’t say it. I can’t say it. You have to say it she told me. It won’t have the importance if you do not.

We sat in silence for a minute or so. She was rubbing my back and I was gathering myself. Finally, without looking at her I whispered. It should be here, I think. “here” she responded quizzically what here? Then as she realized when I had said I was jealous I hadn’t meant not seeing her privates or jealous that her ordeal was over. She told me she understood and that if I felt that way, she was inclined to agree with me.

When I heard this my excitement ramped up to 100 along with my anxiety. I can’t just do “something” without permission though. She sid We need to call your mom and tell her what though? I think we tell her what happened at school and that you confessed to me that you’d be spanked at home. I’ll tell her that I am not normally a spanker as I truly am not but I feel responsible to do this.

The call lasted almost 45 minutes but when it was over Lodi called me back into the room where Lil had returned from upstairs was one showing signs of excitement and curiosity. She didn’t know exactly what she’d see but it was going to be fun she thought. Her smile and repeating of the phrase :LETS GO, LETS GO told me. Lodi spoke up once I stood before them.

“Will, your mom did say Lil needed to be here ok” I simply nodded both scared and pleased she’d be present. “Alright then. William Bryan you will behave for both of us until your mother picks you up tomorrow” crying again and looking off into nowhere I raised my hands to my jeans and undid the button. Next, I slipped off of my shoes then sat down to take off my socks. My courage was thin. When I stood and unzipped the zipper I heard Lil gasp but I looked straight still. I pushed my jeans to my ankles and stood in my t-shirt and tightie whites. Lil was audibly giggling at me. I realized then somehow for the first time that as I had been picturing this I’d never considered my manhood or lack thereof. Joann had first seen my penis when I was 12 . Almost two years ago and still said from time to time it hadn’t grown. It was this thought caused me to panic. I tried to grab for my jeans but Lodi was quicker so I pulled back saying no,no,no,no,no.

Lodi simply held tight and gave my bottom a hard single slap. As I was standing. I was saying now I don’t want to I don’t want to but Lodi straight up yelled at me to stop and be still and I did. Do it she commanded so I did. I lowered my underwear in front of them. It wasn’t at all like I had imagined. The humiliation was the absolute most powerful thing that I had ever felt. In my head my penis never looked smaller and I could hear Lilian laughing. But my eyes were closed. Lilian was 1000 words a second though, oh my god, wow, it’s little right? Like when I had to babysit Mathew and change his diaper. Lodi on the other hand was simply looking it seemed. I was feeling incredibly weak and my legs felt tired like I’d already been spanked and had been furiously kicking them about. This is it. The defining moment of my sexual wants. 13 and standing with my pants and underwear around my ankles. My Bugle Boy t-shirt only coming down to my stomach. Whe I did finally look up. I saw Lilian and her gaze was like that of a hunter on my penis. It was now that my kinks were cemented. As she stared at me I began to get hard. I watched as the expression on her face changed to one of fascination and pleasure. …….TBC

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